What I Imply Once I Say I Don’t Know How I Am


“How are you?” is a query many people are acquainted with. It’s most likely the query we get requested extra typically than some other. Many people routinely reply with ‘advantageous thanks, you?’, as a result of that’s the response we’ve realized to present. It’s the response we heard the adults round us trot out every time they have been requested how they have been; they most likely realized it from the adults round them.

Persons are turning into more and more conscious of this. Varied campaigns encourage us to ‘ask twice‘ or to ask ‘how are you, actually?’.

The issue is, we don’t all the time have a solution. We don’t all the time know the way we’re.

Our Head Is Buzzy

Typically, our heads are buzzy and fuzzy. Nearly just like the static that happens when a radio or TV doesn’t have sufficient sign.

An excessive amount of data has are available in. Too many ideas are whizzing round. We’re completely overloaded. Layers of ideas, phrases, textual content, interactions and messages stack on high of each other, jumbling themselves up within the course of.

We will’t suppose, as a result of ‘it’ is just too loud. We’re overwhelmed, overloaded, and earlier than we will correctly interact in any dialog, we want time to wind down.


There are occasions once we do have ideas, however we will’t catch them to learn them. We will see them in our thoughts. They’re there, on the very fringe of our imaginative and prescient. Simply out of attain.

We will’t catch them. We will’t pull them down, or convey them shut sufficient to us that we’re capable of learn them. It’s so irritating.

We all know that our ideas are there, and we all know that if we might simply seize them and browse them, then we might talk much more successfully, and let you know how we’re. However regardless of how laborious we strive, they keep out of attain.


Mind fog can smother us. It clouds our head and might make our tongue thick and heavy. Our ideas get smothered; buried below the thick, dense fog.

We will’t let you know how we’re, as a result of the fog smothers the reply. It’s so thick that it doesn’t permit something in or out. Our ideas have slowed proper down.

Supplying you with an honest response would contain wading via this fog; digging right down to uncover our ideas and emotions. We don’t have the vitality to do this. So we will’t let you know how we’re.


Typically we change into disconnected from ourselves. This could occur in a bodily and psychological sense.

Bodily, we could not discover once we’re hungry, thirsty, in ache, too sizzling, or too chilly. Typically it may be harmful as a result of we overlook to see to our primary wants.

Psychologically, we cease connecting with our ideas and emotions. Typically it is a trauma response; once we expertise terrible issues, our mind can shut down to guard us. We ‘change off’ to outlive. Typically we squash and squish all the things down as a result of we’re not in an area the place we really feel capable of work via it. The extra we squash, squish and ignore, the extra disconnected we change into.

Disconnection can imply that we begin to stay a bizarre spacey existence. We do not know how we’re, bodily or mentally, and really feel barely indifferent from ourselves always.


Life is never easy. If we cease to analyse how we really feel, it will probably typically be troublesome to slender it down to 1 ‘factor’.

Every single day, we undergo many various feelings. So, developing with a concise reply to the ‘how are you’ query may be tough. We’d have felt each nice, and garbage, so does that imply that we stability out as ‘advantageous’? Can we common our feelings? Not likely. Being ‘okay’ doesn’t precisely clarify how we’re. It glosses over too many issues.

Possibly we might provide you with a much less concise reply? However then how a lot ought to we let you know? How a lot element ought to we give? Figuring this out may cause our mind to jam. We get caught. We don’t know what to say – so we default to ‘advantageous’ or ‘okay’, and the dialog strikes on.


A few of us battle with open questions. After we attempt to reply them, we rapidly spiral into overwhelm as we attempt to work out what it’s we’re being requested.

Are we presupposed to be speaking about ‘how we’re’ bodily or mentally? Ought to we discuss ‘how we’re’ at work, residence, faculty or uni? Are we meant to debate our relationship with our household? Ought to we be speaking about our sleep routine? Do you need to know the way nicely we’re consuming? Are you asking whether or not we’re managing to go away the home often? What’s it that you simply need to know?

All of those ideas and questions can flood our thoughts as we attempt to put collectively a solution. It’s overwhelming and change into distressing. We’d not have the ability to reply as a result of we will’t work out the query we’re being requested. No reply appears ‘proper’, so we don’t know what to let you know.


Figuring out emotions is basically troublesome. Typically we all know that we really feel one thing, however we don’t know what that one thing is. It doesn’t appear to suit any of the phrases that we maintain in our inside phrase financial institution.

A few of us can provide textbook definitions of particular emotions. We’d have the ability to academically describe how an individual may really feel in sure conditions. However once we attempt to apply this educational information to our personal circumstances and establish our personal feelings, we would battle.


Life can get busy.

Typically, once we’re continually working from one factor to a different, we don’t have an opportunity to cease (and even pause) and check-in with ourselves. We don’t know the way we really feel as a result of we don’t have the time or house to consider it. From the second we get up, to the minute we go to mattress, our time is accounted for. Our mind is working one million miles an hour to try to keep on high of all the things.

We don’t have the time, vitality, or mind house to work out how we really feel, nevermind talk these emotions.


Typically, the rationale we’re so busy is in order that we don’t have to consider how we really feel. It’d really feel too troublesome. We’d not need to confront it or admit issues to ourselves. So we busy-fy our lives on function, tackle an increasing number of commitments, volunteer for all types of issues, and fill our downtime with TV, social media, books, and the rest that stops us from pondering.


Typically, we depend on others to inform us how we really feel; however completely different folks can have completely different opinions. Some may inform us that they’re critically nervous about us. Others may remark that we’re doing rather well. A buddy may inform us that we glance drained or low, whereas one other may say it’s good to see us being a bit extra ‘us’.

It’s actually complicated. All these completely different folks have completely different opinions on our life, temper, emotions and basic wellbeing. It may well create battle in our thoughts as we attempt to navigate the query of how we’re, making it troublesome to determine a solution.


Feeling low is tiring. It may well additionally trigger our sleep to go all wonky, making the tiredness even worse.

Turning our focus inward, determining our emotions and speaking them, is completely exhausting. It’s draining and might go away us feeling wrung out. We all know that an sincere response may lead to follow-up questions, too, and that’s one thing that we positively don’t have the vitality for.

Typically, it’s far simpler (and so much much less effort) to say that we don’t know the way we really feel, and hope the dialog strikes on.


Speaking about how we’re may be laborious.

Some individuals are actually open and can fortunately focus on their ideas and emotions with anybody and everybody. Others are extra non-public and have a small group of people that we chat to, as a substitute.

A few of us course of our ideas and emotions by speaking to others. Others prefer to determine all of it out earlier than having a dialog.

We’re all completely different, and it is perhaps that we’re in a spot the place we merely don’t need to discuss how we’re.


Typically folks get irritated or pissed off once we can’t reply the ‘how are you’ query. This annoyance and frustration may also kick in once we’re unable to speak how we’re in a means that they perceive.

We’re not normally being deliberately manipulative, troublesome or evasive. There are many causes for not understanding how we’re – starting from genuinely not understanding, to not wanting to debate it at the moment.

Whether or not we will work out our emotions or not, we’re not alone. We’re not the one one who’s felt the best way we do.

Please assist us to assist others and share this put up, you by no means know who may want it.


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