“How are you?” is a query many people are accustomed to. It’s most likely the query we get requested extra typically than every other. Many people routinely reply with ‘superb thanks, you?’, as a result of that’s the response we’ve realized to offer. It’s the response we heard the adults round us trot out every time they had been requested how they had been; they most likely realized it from the adults round them.

Persons are changing into more and more conscious of this. Varied campaigns encourage us to ‘ask twice‘ or to ask ‘how are you, actually?’.

The issue is, we don’t all the time have a solution. We don’t all the time know the way we’re.

Our Head Is Buzzy

Generally, our heads are buzzy and fuzzy. Nearly just like the static that happens when a radio or TV doesn’t have sufficient sign.

An excessive amount of data has are available in. Too many ideas are whizzing round. We’re completely overloaded. Layers of ideas, phrases, textual content, interactions and messages stack on high of each other, jumbling themselves up within the course of.

We are able to’t assume, as a result of ‘it’ is just too loud. We’re overwhelmed, overloaded, and earlier than we are able to correctly have interaction in any dialog, we want time to wind down.


There are occasions once we do have ideas, however we are able to’t catch them to learn them. We are able to see them in our thoughts. They’re there, on the very fringe of our imaginative and prescient. Simply out of attain.

We are able to’t catch them. We are able to’t pull them down, or deliver them shut sufficient to us that we’re in a position to learn them. It’s so irritating.

We all know that our ideas are there, and we all know that if we might simply seize them and browse them, then we might talk much more successfully, and let you know how we’re. However regardless of how arduous we strive, they keep out of attain.


Mind fog can smother us. It clouds our head and might make our tongue thick and heavy. Our ideas get smothered; buried beneath the thick, dense fog.

We are able to’t let you know how we’re, as a result of the fog smothers the reply. It’s so thick that it doesn’t permit something in or out. Our ideas have slowed proper down.

Providing you with a good response would contain wading by means of this fog; digging right down to uncover our ideas and emotions. We don’t have the power to try this. So we are able to’t let you know how we’re.

What I Imply Once I Say I Don’t Know How I Am


Generally we change into disconnected from ourselves. This may occur in a bodily and psychological sense.

Bodily, we might not discover once we’re hungry, thirsty, in ache, too sizzling, or too chilly. Generally it may be harmful as a result of we overlook to see to our fundamental wants.

Psychologically, we cease connecting with our ideas and emotions. Generally it is a trauma response; once we expertise terrible issues, our mind can shut down to guard us. We ‘change off’ to outlive. Generally we squash and squish all the pieces down as a result of we’re not in an area the place we really feel in a position to work by means of it. The extra we squash, squish and ignore, the extra disconnected we change into.

Disconnection can imply that we begin to stay a bizarre spacey existence. We don’t know how we’re, bodily or mentally, and really feel barely indifferent from ourselves always.


Life isn’t easy. If we cease to analyse how we really feel, it could typically be troublesome to slender it down to at least one ‘factor’.

Daily, we undergo many various feelings. So, developing with a concise reply to the ‘how are you’ query might be tough. We’d have felt each nice, and garbage, so does that imply that we steadiness out as ‘superb’? Can we common our feelings? Not likely. Being ‘okay’ doesn’t precisely clarify how we’re. It glosses over too many issues.

Perhaps we might offer you a much less concise reply? However then how a lot ought to we let you know? How a lot element ought to we give? Figuring this out may cause our mind to jam. We get caught. We don’t know what to say – so we default to ‘superb’ or ‘okay’, and the dialog strikes on.


A few of us battle with open questions. After we attempt to reply them, we rapidly spiral into overwhelm as we attempt to work out what it’s we’re being requested.

Are we purported to be speaking about ‘how we’re’ bodily or mentally? Ought to we speak about ‘how we’re’ at work, house, college or uni? Are we meant to debate our relationship with our household? Ought to we be speaking about our sleep routine? Do you wish to know the way nicely we’re consuming? Are you asking whether or not we’re managing to go away the home often? What’s it that you simply wish to know?

All of those ideas and questions can flood our thoughts as we attempt to put collectively a solution. It’s overwhelming and change into distressing. We’d not be capable to reply as a result of we are able to’t work out the query we’re being requested. No reply appears ‘proper’, so we don’t know what to let you know.


Figuring out emotions is basically troublesome. Generally we all know that we really feel one thing, however we don’t know what that one thing is. It doesn’t appear to suit any of the phrases that we maintain in our inner phrase financial institution.

A few of us can provide textbook definitions of particular emotions. We’d be capable to academically describe how an individual would possibly really feel in sure conditions. However once we attempt to apply this educational data to our personal circumstances and establish our personal feelings, we would battle.


Life can get busy.

Generally, once we’re continually operating from one factor to a different, we don’t have an opportunity to cease (and even pause) and check-in with ourselves. We don’t know the way we really feel as a result of we don’t have the time or area to consider it. From the second we get up, to the minute we go to mattress, our time is accounted for. Our mind is operating 1,000,000 miles an hour to try to keep on high of all the pieces.

We don’t have the time, power, or mind area to work out how we really feel, nevermind talk these emotions.


Generally, the explanation we’re so busy is in order that we don’t have to consider how we really feel. It’d really feel too troublesome. We’d not wish to confront it or admit issues to ourselves. So we busy-fy our lives on function, tackle increasingly commitments, volunteer for all types of issues, and fill our downtime with TV, social media, books, and anything that stops us from pondering.


Generally, we depend on others to inform us how we really feel; however totally different individuals can have totally different opinions. Some would possibly inform us that they’re severely nervous about us. Others would possibly remark that we’re doing very well. A pal would possibly inform us that we glance drained or low, whereas one other would possibly say it’s good to see us being a bit extra ‘us’.

It’s actually complicated. All these totally different individuals have totally different opinions on our life, temper, emotions and basic wellbeing. It might probably create battle in our thoughts as we attempt to navigate the query of how we’re, making it troublesome to determine a solution.


Feeling low is tiring. It might probably additionally trigger our sleep to go all wonky, making the tiredness even worse.

Turning our focus inward, determining our emotions and speaking them, is completely exhausting. It’s draining and might go away us feeling wrung out. We all know that an trustworthy response would possibly lead to follow-up questions, too, and that’s one thing that we positively don’t have the power for.

Usually, it’s far simpler (and rather a lot much less effort) to say that we don’t know the way we really feel, and hope the dialog strikes on.


Speaking about how we’re might be arduous.

Some persons are actually open and can fortunately focus on their ideas and emotions with anybody and everybody. Others are extra non-public and have a small group of people that we chat to, as a substitute.

A few of us course of our ideas and emotions by speaking to others. Others prefer to determine all of it out earlier than having a dialog.

We’re all totally different, and it is likely to be that we’re in a spot the place we merely don’t wish to speak about how we’re.


Generally individuals get irritated or annoyed once we can’t reply the ‘how are you’ query. This annoyance and frustration also can kick in once we’re unable to speak how we’re in a manner that they perceive.

We’re not often being deliberately manipulative, troublesome or evasive. There are many causes for not realizing how we’re – starting from genuinely not realizing, to not wanting to debate it at the moment.

Whether or not we are able to work out our emotions or not, we’re not alone. We’re not the one one who’s felt the way in which we do.

Please assist us to assist others and share this submit, you by no means know who would possibly want it.


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